I have found myself sliding along the dangerous road of...."love". I'm head over heals for a girl, and I can be certain of things then not in about five minutes time. Nothing is making sense any more, nothing is working out right. Nothing I can do will ever work to my advantage. I thought we had something, now I lack the guts to find out for sure. I also lack the cash, as my car just presented me with a $700 repair bill. Yeah, can't afford that at all. I'm ready to give up in college too. i know for a fact that I don't want to go back next year, but I am certainly not living as my fathers minion over the school year. I know he can't take me, and I can't take him. This holiday alone is going to kill me. Not to mention that I feel like crap anyways.
I made goals for myself over the past year. 1. Get a job. i failed. utterly, completely and without excuse. I am a failure, and my father let me know it. 2. Express my feelings to a girl I am head over heals for, preferably with positive results. I failed, utterly and completely. Again without excuse. 3. Maintain a 4.0 in college. Take a wild guess how that went. Again the same results.
I am beginning to think my life isn't worth anything anymore, I think my father echoes these sentiments. I wish there was just some way to give up, and crawl away somewhere, but that would be quitting, and just another place to fail. Why are all these expectations put upon me. And now i realize I'm whining, something I apologize for. I'm sure life could be much worse, like not being able to go to college, to be dieing, and yet I think, I wonder if people would expect less of me? I wonder if I hadn't gotten a 3.7 in highschool, would my father be happy with a C average now?
Well, maybe I am a failure, but I know something, I can break this streak. I will break this streak, but will this promise just be another failed part on my life? Just like my grades, my family, and my stupid infatuation that makes everything so damn confusing