It's pretty late for normal people, but for me the college student, the night is yet young. I think when people talk about how different college is from highschool, they are using it in the "this pole is different because it's three feet longer" way. By that I mean, it's highschool with different people, class times, and routines. It's also harder, but that may be a personal oppinion. I miss my father, my friends, and sisters, but I will be honest and say I miss my animals most. Maybe it's because I know that they never involve me in emotional tug-of-wars or try to tell me what's wrong with me. I already have enough I know to work on, give me a break.
The worst feeling ever is the feeling that I haven't done enough. I haven't made sure everyone else is happy. Ever known people like that? You're always wrong, always seem to have to do things to impress them. They aren't friends, they are bullies in disguise. They use guilt instead of their fists to get what they want, and the worst part is it's not just superficial anymore. They hurt you down at the core of your being. They arouse questions of morality, loyalty, and an entire array of others.
The worst thing is, I have doubts about a friend of mine. I really can't figure out what type of person he really is. I consider him close, and because I know him, I think that there is alot he doesn't tell me. How can I be honest with someone if they aren't willing to take the risk with me. There really is no point, is there?
I'm not going to act right now. There are too many good things going for me. I am finally away from the divorce my parents are going through. It wasn't too bad for me, but I can rest easier knowing that the hostility is no longer out in the open affecting my little sister. My mother really tried to rip the entire family apart. The really sad thing is I think that she convinced some other people to side with her.
I love my older sister, alot. We were good friends growing up, but my mother filled her with lies about me and my father, now we don't speak. The saddest thing is, I was on both sides. I saw the everything, and she will only believe my mothers side. Why? Because thats all she's heard. She refuses to listen, how can a fair oppinion be gained from one side. It is impossible. My younger sister even realized what was going down. She started on my moms side, then stepped back and observed.
I'm feeling bitter now so I'll stop, nothing goes down well in anger at all. I try to be really passive, I've seen anger hurt too many people. I used to be angry alot, now I just realize that life is too short to get angry. Or maybe I'm holding it in, in which case some day it will come back and haunt me. As long as I don't hurt anyone thats fine.
As it grows later I start to ramble. The madman inside starts playing with words so everything makes sense, so I will stop this now. Always listen to both sides before picking one. Always choose your friends wisely. Always make sure you're not backing yourself into a hole that you can't climb out of. And most importantly, may the one way streets always go in your direction.
Yours Sincerely