I think my heart is about to burst

Not really understanding what I'm going through

Published on September 23, 2005 By ISOL In Dating

This is probably the strangest thing I have ever gone through. Those who know me, know I hate the overuse of the word "love" in our culture. There is really nothing special about it in our culture today. It is used so commonly, that I have been extremely cautious about using it. If I had any feelings for a girl in high school, I referred to it as being “In like”. I still don’t know if the state of my emotions is mature enough to handle love.
That is the problem in its entirety. I cannot stop thinking about a girl from home. It is literally painful to think about being 6 ½ hours away from her. I almost wish that I settled for the smaller community college, just so I could have been near her. The odd thing about that, we aren’t even close to being in a relationship. The fact is, I enjoy our friendship so much, that I would not be able to bear it if things grew uncomfortable between us.
I don’t know exactly why these feelings choose to hit me so hard right now. I admit, I have always had feelings for her, ever since the very first day I met her, but now it is insane. I know things wouldn’t work out anyways. I live where I do, she is back home, and there are some other factors. Any guy reading this will know what I am talking about. She’s a beautiful dancer, I’m just an ordinary guy. I’m tall, that’s the only thing I’ve got going for me, I’m not good looking, and I have enough balls to admit it.
I know she’s too good for me, but my problem is, I won’t settle for a girl who’s just good enough for me. I have good taste, but the problem is that I don’t have the looks to match my taste. I am praying that there are some girls out there who like the look of tall pale German guys. My guess is not, but I can pray can’t I?
Back to subject, I just don’t know what to do. I’m tempted just to drive home and talk to her about it. The problem with that theory is my fear of having the friendship end. That’s huge. If I know I can talk to her, and keep the friendship no matter what, there wouldn’t be anything on earth stopping me. And if I could just force myself to see her as a friend, I’d happily do that too! But I really can’t, I mean I literally dream about her. They’re great dreams, just walking down a street downtown with my arm around her. A lot of memories I have of her. Just her face laughing, did I mention her amazing laugh?
Most likely this is just a result of tremendous stress or some other medical mumbo jumbo, like I’m going to believe that. I can honestly say, I have never felt this strongly about anyone, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I need help.

Comments

lemonlime

on Sep 23, 2005

I've seen a lot of guys in your situation, and like you, none of them knew how to deal with it. So, I'm gonna tell you what I told all of them.
Ok, first off, you obviously have very strong feelings about this girl, and when you have feelings like that for someone you have to talk to them about it. I know right now your worried about what she'll say, and how she'll react, however, I also know that youll kick yourself in the butt if you just let it go. Not all girls go for the "tall, dark, and handsome" type. You have to give yourself a chance. Who knows, she could feel the same about you.

new-age nomad

on Sep 25, 2005

but the problem is that I don’t have the looks to match my taste.

Ummm, what about the heart? You've only mentioned physical things here, about her and yourself. I'm a bit confused why you used the word "love" and lack any mention why.

ISOL

on Sep 26, 2005

I'm a bit confused why you used the word "love" and lack any mention why.

That's because I feel I'm on the verge. If I truly am, then this is a very bad time to be going through it. I'm sorry I didn't explain myself, I admit, I was very haywire when I wrote this. It's like when you're so sick, you can't really focus on anything, all you know is how you're feeling. My feelings are over the place. I just wanted to make clear that I'm not sure if this is truly love. Heart, I have that. I have plenty to spare, but I have a hard time expressing it. I've been rejected so many times that I have too many walls. If I can get past that, I'd be ok. And as to why I didn't expand on that, it's personal. Looks and that are superficial and fine to talk about. I tend to keep other things private

Charissa

on Oct 07, 2005

Take the chance little brother (adopted by friendship)

you never know until you try. You have so much to offer... she'd be a fool to not see that.

Good luck!

Dan Kaschel

on Oct 31, 2005

Everybody always says "go for it." I think that's because they don't have to bear the consequences if it goes badly. But let me tell you what I think about it.

You two don't have a terribly close friendship (unless that's changed). If you don't have her as a friend, I don't think you'll miss that part of her too much (once again, I could be mistaken, so ignore me if I'm wrong). I'd say the strongest chance is that she'll tell you you're a nice person, and she likes hanging out with you, but she's not interested. Because that's just what girls say. Dang near all of them, to dang near everybody, unless they're already infatuated with you (not much chance of that, with you away at college). If I were you, I wouldn't tell her. Frankly, unrequitted love has its moments. At least you have somebody to dream about, right? On the other hand, the pain of rejection at least gives you some strong connection with her, even if it is negative. Sabes?

You're between a rock and a hard place, and I feel for ya.

Dan

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!