On August 4th my mother came up to me after breakfast and sad she needed to talk to me alone. The firsr thing that came to mind was oh crap, I'm in trouble again. I didn't know for what, but we headed out to Logan's Landing, a little park by the Bordman river. I handn't been to that park in many years and doubt I'll go there for many to come. She told me that she had filed for seperation from my father.
I wasn't hurt, I was definately not confused and I didn't really have any emotion whatsoever as to what I heard. I am at peace with it and thats ok, but I scare myself because I felt relieved when she told me. The first thing I thought was, "Gosh, what took you two so long?" I don't want to feel happy that my parents are splitting up. That's twenty five years down the drain. I know it's not my fault and I have alot of resentment towards them for doing this, not to me because I turned 18 only days before and can take care of myself, but for doing it to my 11 year old sister.
I will be more honest here than I think I am to myself. I am almsot completely certain my mother is at fault for everything that is happening in my family. She is overbearing, manipulative, and always needs the last word in everything. She just came into this very room to repremand an 18 year old for trying to rent an R rated movie, and tried to chastize me like a 7 year old. Anger is boiling over and I want to explode. I may owe her the gift of life but as from hear on out any ties I have to her are destroyed.
For my birthday present she has threatened me several times to throw me out of the house. It's laughable, she is in no posistion to threaten that because shortly my father and I are moving or she is going to have to move and I was thinking about finishing out higschool working to afforf aan apartment anyways. I am done with my mother and I mean to let her know it.
This may sound like the usual whinings of a teenager, maybe it is. I just don't know what to do know. The two feelings a have are anger and anticpation of a new life with my father. It's like a people hearing of an approaching liberation army to destroy the evil dictator and the dictator threatens and screams but can't do a thing about it. For what it's worth I hope she gets what she reaped, which is what everyperson has to look forward to.
Through all this I really have things to be thankful for too. I struggled with so many things but had so many people there to help me out. The first thanks obviously goes to Dan Kaschel who literally has been there for everything that has gone wrong. The help and advice range from small things like the female mind ( which is still a mystery but enjoyable to contemplate anyways ) to the impeding divorce. Thank you with everything I have for your loyal brotherhood.
Another is someone I don't know extremely well but through one conversation convinced to change my life for good. Trinitie (spelled it right) I thank you for your time on one quiet evening to listen to the ramblings of a hurting teen. You will never know how much that did for me. I hope that someday I can do the same for you.
An odd thank you is for someone who will never probably read this. Phil, the fellow classmate I befriended when noone else was willing. You have taught me the value of friendship in odd places. Eccentric enough in public to appear annoying, but truly brilliant and loyal if there is just the dedication to look. Phil you are a excellant friend and a wonderful person I hope the world will see someday.
I have so much more to say and so much to learn, so I owe a big debt of thanks to the creator of this site, and an apology for being gone so long. Thank you.