The title of this piece makes it sound like a problem with the opposite sex, but it isn't. My problem is that I think a friendship that I have cherished for many years may be at an end. My friend and I did everything that two guys could, and got into our fair share of trouble (believe it or not). I think that it is all coming to an end for several reasons.
We used to hang out at least once a week, most of the time more. In summer we took road trips, visited friends, and had conversations where I became myself. Not my real self as family and friends know me, but I actually opened up and became the true me. Those conversations helped me through some difficult times in my life. Now, we hang out very rarely. I feel pushed away, and I have given up.
At first I believed it was me, I wasn't trying hard enough. The thing is my friend tried to tell me it was that too. I realized that friendships take work, but I'm sick of doing all the work. I will not be in a one sided friendship, my family operates that way and it stinks. I know now that I dont have to be the only one to try.
Another reason its ending, is that ever troublesome opposite sex. I just hope that he doesn't treat them as he treated all those he used to call friends. I am not alone in my assesments, others are being snubbed too. I think that he's gone preppy, too much time hanging around spoiled kids. The problem is, I don't know wether I have any desire left to try and pull him back to the light side.
The revelation came actually on the last day of school. At the end of our junior year we promised that we would have lunch on our last day of high school. Now my friend has forgotten things before, I can forgive forgetting. I'm rather guilty of a faulty memory myself. The problem I have is that I waited outside for 45 minutes, I decided as long as he was socializing, which I can also forgive, being the last day of school and all, I would go to the beach about thirty seconds from school. I left a note under his windshield wiper and headed to the beach. I waited for an hour and a half and he never showed up.
Needless to say I was extremely dissapointed, when I had to head home. As soon as I reached my house I called him. He was and had been at home for a good hour or so. When I asked him about lunch he casually brushed me off with something about not finding me in a manner which he arrogently thinks charming. There are two problems with this; 1 I am not a girl so charming doesn't fly with me. 2 I saw through this because I know him so well. When I suggested leaving immediately, it was four thirty or so, he said he had someone else he had to hang out with.
I was shocked and disgusted. I don't know how long he had been planning to hang out with this other person, but it wasn't over a year. It still hurts very deeply that I was so casually brushed off. My friendship means nothing to him. The thing that disgusted me the most was that he has showed absolutely no remorse. He acts as though I should just accept what happened.
I know I am going to have a hard time letting this friendship go, because strong friendships are hard to find. I suppose I should be resigned to this but I fear that I will put up another wall because of this. It was nice while it lasted, but I wish it could have ended better.
sadder but wiser
Tim Lyons